Word from the Mouth: Magic Grass! edition

Word from the Mouth: Magic Grass! edition

Kevin Kousaie

Hope you're all having a great week up to now, because your week is about to get a whole lot better now that you're reading this article. This week was some crumply weather and even worse field conditions. I was lucky enough to play at 9 so it hadn't started raining yet so conditions were decent but if you played at 430 and aren't named Jon you played in the mud. I won’t call Jon out anymore for his decision, which I didn’t support or participate in but if you know you know and if you don’t guess you should stick around and see what happens when you’re not around. I mean it was so bad you couldn't see the bags on the field. I'm just glad that we didn't use the new field this week or that would be done for the season.

 

Recap

 

D1

 

I missed both of these games and didn't get any feedback from anyone, so I'll leave it to Terry and the man that controls not only the league but the weather as well Willie.

 

D2

 

Phoenix vs Nice TDs (7-46)

What do I say about this game that won't hurt anyone's feelings or do I do it and since we're all grownups. Phoenix was coming in hot sitting at 2-0 playing a Nice TDs at 0-2. Did we overlook them? No. Did we come out flat and not being focused? Yes. Did we run bad routes? Of course, without a doubt we did. When you poke the bear before the game you better have a cage to trap him in. Andrew went off for 107 yards on 4 catches with 3 TDs. Guess the cage was 70 yards by 25 yards. Nice TDs came out hungry with nothing to lose and mopped the floor with us in every aspect of the game. Are they 39 points better than us? No fudging way but in this game, they showed why they are a dangerous team and need to be taken seriously. Guillaume next you need a lift to the field get it from someone on a team you were going to embarrass once the whistle blows.

 

D3

 

Trench Babies vs Nomads

This game was stopped due to lighting then because of the torrential downpour and it didn't help that everyone but Devin left. Not 100% sure what is going to happen with these games, but at no point were any of the teams told to go home and games were canceled. The league will be in discussion on what will happen.

 

Drama Club vs Witching Hour (26-19)

This game was closer than it expected it to be I was expecting to see Witching Hour trample Drama Club, then the game started. Simon has been around the block a few times now he is the block that can still move when needed. Once Simon figured out how to grip that Brady ball he got things going. After scoring with 3 minutes left Drama Club was up 2 scores and control of the game. Then Witching Hour turned it on and was able to punch it in to make it a 5-point game going into half. Drama Club started the second half with the ball and Simon took his time dinking all the way down for the score to regain the 2 score lead. Witching Hour got the ball back with just over 2 minutes left and took less than a minute to score and left their chances of winning on their defense. You get Simon vs a good and athletic defense for the win. Drama gets a first down game is over if Witching Hour gets the stop they still need to score and get the convert just to tie it up. First play of the series Simon takes off for 7 and at this point it know he is going short for the first and have the game ended, and that's what he did.

 

Witching Hour vs Iron Trollers (14-13) OT

After Jon using his power and authority to do what he did, this game was played on grass and not mud. With a snap of his fingers the grass grew, and he was granted firm footing to play on. This was a game of two halves in the first it was controlled by Iron Trollers on offense and them making a play on defense to keep it a shutout before half. Second half and Witching Hour were able to build on the momentum they got moving the ball into the redzone before the half ended and were able to open the second half with a long scoring drive. This game went to OT and might still be going on if Frederick had made the tackle when Tristan caught the ball instead missing it and then he scored for the win.

 

D4

 

Sorry folks I missed you this weekend, maybe this weekend I'll pop in catch a game or two just so I have something other than this to write here.

 

D5

 

The game I was supposed to ref was forfeited by one of the teams, so I didn't have a game to cover. I was able to catch the second half of the Wolverines vs Mimosa Crew. When I got to this game the score was 18-0 and it wasn't very close from what was being said on the bench. Nicolas opened the half with a deep pass to Hugo who ran it in front 10 yards out after securing the catch. This made it 18-6 and gave hope to the Wolverines. They were not able to do much after that, but neither was Mimosa Crew who are without their QB Curren, for the remainder of the season so Justin has to learn the position as the season goes on.

 

Women's

 

I didn't catch this one and only game this weekend sorry.

 

That's all I have in the way of recaps. I'm sure you need more so look for Terry and Willie on MFL Total access on Wednesday.

 

Studs & Duds

 

Well, it was a wet and slippery one on Saturday and that means lots of missed tackles dropped balls and getting dirty. Even with all that to deal with some of you still managed to ball out and now it's time to see if you did enough to crack my list.

 

Studs

 

D1

- Brady Ohanessian for throwing 5 TDs and over 20p yards as a QB, then also getting 3 picks in defense.

 

D2

- David Brisson and his 8 TD passes.

 

D3

- Benjamin Desroches for hauling in 2 TDs as well as 2 picks.

 

D4

- Thomas Znoj for his triumphant return plus scoring 3 TDs on 4 catches helps.

 

D5

- Yianni Mitsianis 3 TDs and 3 sacks.

 

Women's

- Kayla Gauthier 3 TDs and 4 picks

 

Duds

 

D1

- William Bradford because of the 4 picks he threw.

 

D2

- Phoenix and their defense for showing up to play but not actually playing.

 

D3

- Tropic Thunder for going 0-2 against teams they should be able to beat.

 

D4

- Ghislain Leduc threw 3 picks and only had 3 competitions for 18 yards.

 

D5

- Gabriel Darveau 7 picks thrown to just 8 completions.

 

Women's

- I'm going to leave this blank because I think putting Jon's name here is wrong. (ed’s note: my girlfriend keeps saying I’m a pretty girl. I don’t care for where things seem to be going for me…)

 

There you have it's folks, my Studs and Duds from week 3. You still have plenty of time to make my list 9 weeks to be exact so keep doing what you do and if you're lucky enough you might crack my list and if not at least you had fun trying and better luck next time.

Predictions and Power Rankings Week 1

Predictions and Power Rankings Week 1

Kevin Kousaie

Predictions

 

Now that the season is underway, it’s time to dust off the crystal ball and tell you who I have winning this week. Last week I went 19-5, not bad but D5 you’re killing me. Here are this week’s picks and like always they are in bold.

 

D1

Villains vs Idaho Udapimp

Ranceurs vs The Unit

 

D2

Phoenix vs Nice TDs NA

Ducks vs Double Dippers

CIA vs Average Joes

 

D3

F.A.T. Players vs Tropic Thunder

Nomads vs Trench Babies

Drama Club vs Witching Hour

LTC vs Him U

Nomads vs Tropic Thunder 

Witching Hour vs Iron Trollers

Trench Babies vs Hog Riders

 

D4

Laveurs vs Bouchers

Creeky Knees vs Underdogs

Spartans vs Nothing But D

Alouettes vs F.A.T. Players

Underdogs vs Mustard Tigers

 

D5

Titans vs Wong Dynasty

Improbables vs Slicks 

FA3 vs Orphans 

Legendries vs Big Assets

Wolverine vs Mimosa Crew

MTL Cassenas vs 514

Dart Throwers and Smokers vs Titans

Wong Dynasty vs Spartans

 

Women’s

Drama Queen vs FA

 

There are my picks for the week. Good luck to everyone playing this week and if you want to help me out and I didn’t pick your team you can stay home and this way you might not get wet either.

 

Power Rankings

 

With 2 weeks in the books its time to see how things are look or how I see the rankings.

 

D1 (3)

#1- Outlaws

#2- KOLB

#3- Idaho Udapimp

 

D2 (3)

#1- Phoenix

#2- Average Joes

#3- Fins up

 

D3 (4)

#1- Withching Hour 

#2- Him U

#3- F.A.T. Players

#4- LTC

 

D4 (4)

#1- Mustard Tigers

#2- Action Squad

#3- Bandits

#4- Nothing But D

 

D5 (5)

#1- Darts Throwers and Smokers

#2- Phoenix

#3- Titans

#4- Slicks

#5- Pick 6ers

 

Women’s (1)

#1- Drama Queen

 

I couldn’t put every team on my list and quite frankly some of you don’t deserve a spot on the list, you haven’t earned it yet.

 

Final Thoughts

 

I hate to disappoint you by telling you that my article is ending and you’ll have to wait until next week to see what else I have to say. If you can’t wait, just stand on the other side of the field and you’ll hear everything crystal clear. I’ve been told I’m loud, but I just think my voice carries.

If you didn’t know, this week we are kicking off Brossard and Laval. I said it last year and I’ll say it again this year, we need a satellite title game between Brossard and Laval or at least do an all-star game between the two. Jon, Terry, let’s make it happen. Wait I’m talking to the wrong person, Willie let’s make this happen.

It is looking like another wet one this week, so be prepared for that.

That’s it, that’s all. Have a wonderful day and remember we are playing a game for fun, so go out have some fun and try not to kill anyone. See you all Saturday. 

Word from the Mouth: Grinding my Glitterpants! edition

Word from the Mouth: Grinding my Glitterpants! edition

Kevin Kousaie

I see you're all back for a second week, and let me tell you—what a week it was. Let’s start by pointing out that it’s only Week 2 and we’ve already had a week of sloppy field conditions. Over at Darcy McGee, we had puddles in the end zone on Field 3. Fields 1 and 2 were okay, except for the rusher line—but those get mashed in any weather we play in, so that’s no biggie.

What really grinds my glitterpants is Leber, and how it looks absolutely snarfled for the rest of the season. At least we won’t be playing there for a few weeks, so maybe it will recover. What I *should* have done before the games at Leber was reseed the entire field. That way, the seed gets into the ground and doesn’t become an all-you-can-eat buffet for the local squirrel mafia. I can’t do *everything*, and I also think being at the fields for 13 hours on a Saturday is more than enough.

 

D1


I missed all of D1 again—you’ll need to watch Terry and Willie on the podcast for your updates.

D2


Phoenix vs Double Dippers (40–14)
Double Dippers were missing a few players this week, but the real difference in the game was Kris and his ability to scoot around and avoid pressure. David struggled with that, and it let Tyler force some early throws. JF scored with 39 seconds left in the first half to give Phoenix a 19–7 lead.

This is where it got interesting. Phoenix had been in control, but they played soft, and that let Double Dippers drive down, use their timeouts, and score with 0s on the clock—making it 19–14 Phoenix at half, with Double Dippers starting with the ball. At halftime, Phoenix knew they had to buckle up before the momentum fully flipped. That’s when their defense stepped up—ending *three* consecutive drives with picks by Kris, Nick, and JF. Kris capitalized on those turnovers and built an insurmountable lead for Phoenix.

 

D3


Action Squad vs Thunder Buddies (6–25)
After last week, I thought Thunder Buddies might have changed QBs, but Matt showed why you give a guy a second chance. Even after being sacked five times by Shermika and throwing two picks, he still put up solid numbers (22 of 33 for 153 yards) and had a few drops that weren’t on him.

The game-changer? Young Nick Kousaie picking off Gold *three times*. The real question here is how JC is only rated a 74—something smells fishy in Fishville.

 

Iron Wolves vs Him U (18–28)
Him U is new to the league, and you know the saying—speed frickin’ zooms, and this team’s got speed to spare. James is new to the QB role and went 14 of 15 for 162 yards and 4 TDs. This game stayed close for one reason and one reason only: Jon knows how to work a clock. Any time Iron Wolves needed a first down, Jon went to Lesniak. He finished with 76 yards on 12 catches—but could’ve had more if he could catch standing on two feet instead of doing a pancake impersonation.

Standout? Lucas—2 TDs, always open, and zero drops. Chefsmooch.

 

D4


Sorry folks, I missed your division this week. I’ll be back eventually, and when I am, you better show me some razzle-dazzle.

D5


514 vs Phoenix (18–34)
Phoenix came in planning to take away the deep ball and force Lesniak to work the field. Fred was the initial concern, but the focus quickly shifted to Soufiane after he made a couple of sparkly plays. Nick had a bumpy start trying to force deep balls, but once he calmed down and stuck to the short game, things clicked—helped by Phoenix getting some short fields to work with.

Late in the game, Nick got hurt and Yann stepped in to wrap it up. The game was iced when Lesniak stole Jordana’s TD by covering her, leaving Kenny wide open for an easy peasy lemon squeezy score.

Wong Dynasty vs MTL Cessnas (6–12)
This was a closer game than I expected. I thought Millan would try to hit Lambert deep early, but he kept it short instead. MTL Cessnas made two plays all game—a pick-six in the first half by Jayden, and the game-winner on the last play. Ryan struggled most of the game, but after the pick-six, he locked in and drove the team down for a tying score.

In the second half, it looked like we were heading to OT, but MTL Cessnas went double QB and JP dropped a rainbow pass. As soon as it left his hands, I knew it was a TD. Tight spiral, good timing, high arc—it gave Jayden time to get to the end zone with not a defender in sight.

 

Women’s Division


Sorry ladies, I didn’t catch any of your games this week. One week soon—I pinky swear.

Studs & Duds


Now that I’ve had time to review the stats and sip my fizzy cactus juice, here’s who’s rocketing up and who’s falling faster than a raccoon on roller skates:

 

Studs


D1 – Alexandre Vallières: 6 sacks, 4 TDs, 305 yards across two games.


D2 – Alec Grégoire: 4 catches for 87 yards, 3 TDs, and a 1-point convert.


D3 – James Langshaw: Only threw *one* incomplete pass and had 4 TDs.


D4 – Arnaud St-Jean: 5 sacks.


D5 – Sage Holder: 3 catches for 43 yards, 1 TD, plus 2 picks and a defensive score.


Women’s – Diana-Janes Landry: 6 catches for 52 yards, 3 TDs, and a convert.

Duds


D1 – Jean-Félix Daloze: 2 games, zero offensive stats.


D2 – David Brisson: Those 3 second-half picks were, well... spaghetti-brained.


D3 – Gold: 4 picks, 3 to a kid who won’t stop chirping about it. Not only do you haunt me in the playoffs, now you’re giving me home-life migraines.


D4 – Jocelyn Ouellette: You broke the golden rule—don’t ask about Player of the Week. Now you’re my Dud. I *was* going to give it to you, but ya flubbed it.


D5 – Max: For rushing in D5. That’s a flagrant fuzzbucket.


Women’s – Barbara: Only 2 catches for 14 yards. Where’s the diva we all know and love?

 

There you have it—my Studs & Duds of the week. There’s still plenty of time to make the list, but one guaranteed way to end up on the *Duds* side? Asking the media team if you’re going to make the list, or shamelessly self-promoting like a clout-craving koala. Doesn’t matter what your stats are—I’ll still plop you into the Dud pile.

Rest of the content omitted for brevity! edition

Rest of the content omitted for brevity! edition

Kevin Kousaie

(ed’s note: I had ChatGPT edit this and at points it literally just said “rest of the content omitted for brevity”. ChatGPT really gets what we’re trying to do. I mean, I feel like we could do that for the entirety of Kevin’s articles)

 

Now for what you all have been waiting for… after weeks and weeks, here it is: my Week 1 article! (rest of the content omitted for brevity) (ed’s note: see!)

 

With winter finally behind us, we’re back to the game we all love. It’s a shame we couldn’t finish the winter season, thanks to the Stinger Dome going full flapdoodle and collapsing under all that snow. They really fluffed the snow management — like, how do you not keep the roof clear in a snowstorm? That’s the difference between when the MFL handles something and when it’s left to someone who isn’t, well, me. I told Terry and Jon exactly what I would’ve done to keep it clean and upright — but hey, sounds like a Concordia problem, not mine.

 

I’m thrilled football is back, even if my schedule’s looking bonkers — only 18 days off between now and the end of the fall season. But the good news is, when you’re waking up at 5:30am to do everything, that counts as sleeping in now.

 

Anyway, let’s get into it and see what went down around the MFL in Week 1!

 

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WEEK 1 RECAP

 

D1

 

I missed covering D1 games this week, so I’ll leave it to Terry and Willie to chat about them on the podcast — if they can squeeze it into Willie’s busy-busy schedule.

 

D2

 

Phoenix vs Ducks (35-12)

The Ducks moved up from D3 and met a Phoenix team with a few new faces. Kris is now QB, and with his experience, play-calling, and glitterbomb-level skillset (ed’s note: ChatGPT is killing it with these text replacements!), he’s completely transformed the team. The game-breaker? Phoenix’s defense: 2 interceptions (including one at the goal line on the opening drive) and 3 sacks — one of them for a safety. Ducks are still adjusting to the D2 pace; give them a season or two to fully gel.

 

D3

 

Trench Babies vs F.A.T. Players (19-40)

Honestly, I thought it would go the other way after seeing Trench Babies warm up. Turns out I was wronger than a porcupine at a balloon party (ed’s note: ChatGPT made that up. Truly, AI is the new Kousaie. Or should I say, “KousAIe”…). They dropped at least 10 passes and biffed a few would-be picks on defense. Leon noticed this and started throwing double moves — and that’s when the game cracked wide open. Also, let’s talk about Anthony. When people think F.A.T. Players, they think Sean or Vince. But Anthony? He’s owning the middle like a sandwich at a picnic (ed’s note: Okay, I don’t get this one). Big target, crisp routes, Velcro hands — and deceptively speedy.

 

D4

 

Bandits vs F.A.T. Players (25-12)

Let me start by saying: Richard may *think* he’s good-looking, but his hands were having a full-on spaghetti-noodle day. He went 1-for-3. It was a sluggish, sticky-note kind of game to watch. F.A.T. Players had a new QB, Francois, who showed both potential and wibbly-wobblies. A few more weeks and he’ll be solid. As for the Bandits, Matt needs to avoid the brain-fizzles: go for 2 when you’re up 7, go for 1 when you’re up 8 — you know, football math. And spread the love: 12 catches for JP and only 8 combined for the rest of the team? That won’t fly every week.

 

D5

 

Phoenix vs Jungle Squad (44-14)

Things started off great for Jungle Squad — they won the toss, elected to defend, and Martin pick-snatched (ed’s note: love it) Nick’s second pass of the season for a TD. Then… it became The Nick Show. He threw 5 TDs, nabbed 2 picks, and ran one in himself. Phoenix added some new faces too, none more impactful than Brendan, who balled out with 2 TDs, two 2-point converts, and a pick on defense.

 

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STUDS & DUDS

 

It’s that magical moment where I shout out the superstars who absolutely tater-tornadoed (ed’s note: can we give ChatGPT a raise? Brilliant!) Week 1… and gently (okay, not gently) roast the ones who flopped harder than a pancake in a bouncy castle.

 

STUDS

 

D1

 

* Jeremi Riendeau-Demers: 9 catches, 100+ yards, 3 TDs, 1 two-point convert, 2 tackles, 3 picks, and a pick-six.

 

D2

 

* Justin White: 3 sacks and a pick-six… all while rushing. Shermika, you called it — give the man a medal.

 

D3

 

* Greg D’Alesio: 5 sacks. Quarterback’s worst nightmare.

 

D4

 

* Alec De Lafontaine-Jovani: 16/20 for 127 yards, 5 passing TDs, 1 rushing TD, and 4 tackles.

 

D5

 

* Idris Selmi: 3 catches for 63 yards — 2 TDs. Also had 6 tackles and 2 picks.

 

Women’s

 

* Angie Toporowski: First time at QB and led Crazy Bs to their first win! 13/28, 114 yards, 3 TDs, 0 picks.

 

DUDS

 

D1

 

* Guillaume Renaud-Dumoulin: Threw 5 picks. Welcome to D1, where the puppies are actually full-grown bulldozers (ed’s note: You’re on thin ice, ChatGPT!).

 

D2

 

* Alexandre Szalipszki: 10 carries, 19 yards, no defensive stats.

 

D3

 

* Trench Babies: All that sideline swagger and then played like they were chasing squirrels in flip-flops.

 

D4

 

* Jean-Francois Lawrence: 7 picks in 2 games. Shake it off, buddy.

 

D5

 

* Nick Kousaie: Pick-six on his second pass of the season. Lucky the cameras weren’t rolling.

 

Women’s

 

* Crazy Bs Rusher: No sacks against rookies? Ruh-roh.

 

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PREDICTIONS

 

Missed Week 1 predictions, so as Terry joked: guess I went 100%! Let’s say 99% just to be fair. Here are my totally unbiased picks for Week 2 (winners in bold):

 

D1

 

Iron Wolves vs Outlaws

Villains vs KOLB

Ranceurs vs Villains

Raccons vs KOLB

 

D2

 

Fins Up vs Nice TDs

Average Joes vs RawSauce

Rejects vs CIA

Phoenix vs Double Dippers NA

 

D3

 

Action Squad vs Thunder Buddies 

Tropic Thunder vs Hog Riders

Hog Riders vs Action Squad 

Witching Hour vs La Horde

Him U vs Iron Trollers

 

D4

 

F.A.T.Players vs Creeky Knees

Bouchers vs Beerhood

Bandits vs Underdogs

Mustard Tigers vs Nothing But D

 

D5

 

514 vs Phoenix NA

Big Booties vs Improbables

Dart Throwers and Smokers vs Mimosa Crew 

Orphans vs Pick 6s

Slicks vs Wolverines

Jungle Squad vs Big Assets

Wong Dynasty vs MTL Cessnas 

Jungle Squad vs Orphans

 

Women

 

Free Agent vs Drama Queens

 

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POWER RANKINGS

 

D1 (Top 3)

 

1. Outlaws

2. Iron Wolves

3. KOLB

 

D2 (Top 3)

 

1. Double Dippers

2. Phoenix

3. Average Joes

 

D3 (Top 4)

 

1. F.A.T. Players

2. Horde

3. LTC

4. Him U

 

D4 (Top 4)

 

1. Nothing But D

2. Action Squad

3. Bandits

4. Mustard Tigers

 

D5 (Top 5)

 

1. Titans

2. Phoenix

3. Dart Throwers and Smokers

4. Slicks

5. MTL Cessnas

 

Women’s (Top 1)

 

1. Crazy Bs

 

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FINAL THOUGHTS

 

That’s all for this week — time to let you get back to your regularly scheduled life. Who am I kidding? We’re all just counting down to Saturday like goblins waiting for second breakfast. Sure, most of us are older now, but nothing beats that electric feeling when game day hits.

 

Reminder: we’re at Darcy McGee this week, not De La Vérendrye.

 

It’s 4am, so I’m off to my real job. Can’t wait to see you all out there this weekend. Let’s make Week 2 even better.

 

Stay weird, stay wonderful — and don’t make me put your name in the Dud list next week, you goofnuggets.

Iron Wolves are the 2024 MFL D1 Fall Champions!

Iron Wolves are the 2024 MFL D1 Fall Champions!

MFL

An epic fight in D1 between the Iron Wolves and the Outlaws saw the Wolves take home the trophy with a 53-40 win and MVP Josh Levine scoring 5 TDs and getting an INT on defense.

 

Congratulations to our champions and thank you to everyone for an amazing fall season!

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