Predictions and Power Rankings Week 1

Predictions and Power Rankings Week 1

Kevin Kousaie

Predictions

 

Now that the season is underway, it’s time to dust off the crystal ball and tell you who I have winning this week. Last week I went 19-5, not bad but D5 you’re killing me. Here are this week’s picks and like always they are in bold.

 

D1

Villains vs Idaho Udapimp

Ranceurs vs The Unit

 

D2

Phoenix vs Nice TDs NA

Ducks vs Double Dippers

CIA vs Average Joes

 

D3

F.A.T. Players vs Tropic Thunder

Nomads vs Trench Babies

Drama Club vs Witching Hour

LTC vs Him U

Nomads vs Tropic Thunder 

Witching Hour vs Iron Trollers

Trench Babies vs Hog Riders

 

D4

Laveurs vs Bouchers

Creeky Knees vs Underdogs

Spartans vs Nothing But D

Alouettes vs F.A.T. Players

Underdogs vs Mustard Tigers

 

D5

Titans vs Wong Dynasty

Improbables vs Slicks 

FA3 vs Orphans 

Legendries vs Big Assets

Wolverine vs Mimosa Crew

MTL Cassenas vs 514

Dart Throwers and Smokers vs Titans

Wong Dynasty vs Spartans

 

Women’s

Drama Queen vs FA

 

There are my picks for the week. Good luck to everyone playing this week and if you want to help me out and I didn’t pick your team you can stay home and this way you might not get wet either.

 

Power Rankings

 

With 2 weeks in the books its time to see how things are look or how I see the rankings.

 

D1 (3)

#1- Outlaws

#2- KOLB

#3- Idaho Udapimp

 

D2 (3)

#1- Phoenix

#2- Average Joes

#3- Fins up

 

D3 (4)

#1- Withching Hour 

#2- Him U

#3- F.A.T. Players

#4- LTC

 

D4 (4)

#1- Mustard Tigers

#2- Action Squad

#3- Bandits

#4- Nothing But D

 

D5 (5)

#1- Darts Throwers and Smokers

#2- Phoenix

#3- Titans

#4- Slicks

#5- Pick 6ers

 

Women’s (1)

#1- Drama Queen

 

I couldn’t put every team on my list and quite frankly some of you don’t deserve a spot on the list, you haven’t earned it yet.

 

Final Thoughts

 

I hate to disappoint you by telling you that my article is ending and you’ll have to wait until next week to see what else I have to say. If you can’t wait, just stand on the other side of the field and you’ll hear everything crystal clear. I’ve been told I’m loud, but I just think my voice carries.

If you didn’t know, this week we are kicking off Brossard and Laval. I said it last year and I’ll say it again this year, we need a satellite title game between Brossard and Laval or at least do an all-star game between the two. Jon, Terry, let’s make it happen. Wait I’m talking to the wrong person, Willie let’s make this happen.

It is looking like another wet one this week, so be prepared for that.

That’s it, that’s all. Have a wonderful day and remember we are playing a game for fun, so go out have some fun and try not to kill anyone. See you all Saturday. 

Word from the Mouth: Grinding my Glitterpants! edition

Word from the Mouth: Grinding my Glitterpants! edition

Kevin Kousaie

I see you're all back for a second week, and let me tell you—what a week it was. Let’s start by pointing out that it’s only Week 2 and we’ve already had a week of sloppy field conditions. Over at Darcy McGee, we had puddles in the end zone on Field 3. Fields 1 and 2 were okay, except for the rusher line—but those get mashed in any weather we play in, so that’s no biggie.

What really grinds my glitterpants is Leber, and how it looks absolutely snarfled for the rest of the season. At least we won’t be playing there for a few weeks, so maybe it will recover. What I *should* have done before the games at Leber was reseed the entire field. That way, the seed gets into the ground and doesn’t become an all-you-can-eat buffet for the local squirrel mafia. I can’t do *everything*, and I also think being at the fields for 13 hours on a Saturday is more than enough.

 

D1


I missed all of D1 again—you’ll need to watch Terry and Willie on the podcast for your updates.

D2


Phoenix vs Double Dippers (40–14)
Double Dippers were missing a few players this week, but the real difference in the game was Kris and his ability to scoot around and avoid pressure. David struggled with that, and it let Tyler force some early throws. JF scored with 39 seconds left in the first half to give Phoenix a 19–7 lead.

This is where it got interesting. Phoenix had been in control, but they played soft, and that let Double Dippers drive down, use their timeouts, and score with 0s on the clock—making it 19–14 Phoenix at half, with Double Dippers starting with the ball. At halftime, Phoenix knew they had to buckle up before the momentum fully flipped. That’s when their defense stepped up—ending *three* consecutive drives with picks by Kris, Nick, and JF. Kris capitalized on those turnovers and built an insurmountable lead for Phoenix.

 

D3


Action Squad vs Thunder Buddies (6–25)
After last week, I thought Thunder Buddies might have changed QBs, but Matt showed why you give a guy a second chance. Even after being sacked five times by Shermika and throwing two picks, he still put up solid numbers (22 of 33 for 153 yards) and had a few drops that weren’t on him.

The game-changer? Young Nick Kousaie picking off Gold *three times*. The real question here is how JC is only rated a 74—something smells fishy in Fishville.

 

Iron Wolves vs Him U (18–28)
Him U is new to the league, and you know the saying—speed frickin’ zooms, and this team’s got speed to spare. James is new to the QB role and went 14 of 15 for 162 yards and 4 TDs. This game stayed close for one reason and one reason only: Jon knows how to work a clock. Any time Iron Wolves needed a first down, Jon went to Lesniak. He finished with 76 yards on 12 catches—but could’ve had more if he could catch standing on two feet instead of doing a pancake impersonation.

Standout? Lucas—2 TDs, always open, and zero drops. Chefsmooch.

 

D4


Sorry folks, I missed your division this week. I’ll be back eventually, and when I am, you better show me some razzle-dazzle.

D5


514 vs Phoenix (18–34)
Phoenix came in planning to take away the deep ball and force Lesniak to work the field. Fred was the initial concern, but the focus quickly shifted to Soufiane after he made a couple of sparkly plays. Nick had a bumpy start trying to force deep balls, but once he calmed down and stuck to the short game, things clicked—helped by Phoenix getting some short fields to work with.

Late in the game, Nick got hurt and Yann stepped in to wrap it up. The game was iced when Lesniak stole Jordana’s TD by covering her, leaving Kenny wide open for an easy peasy lemon squeezy score.

Wong Dynasty vs MTL Cessnas (6–12)
This was a closer game than I expected. I thought Millan would try to hit Lambert deep early, but he kept it short instead. MTL Cessnas made two plays all game—a pick-six in the first half by Jayden, and the game-winner on the last play. Ryan struggled most of the game, but after the pick-six, he locked in and drove the team down for a tying score.

In the second half, it looked like we were heading to OT, but MTL Cessnas went double QB and JP dropped a rainbow pass. As soon as it left his hands, I knew it was a TD. Tight spiral, good timing, high arc—it gave Jayden time to get to the end zone with not a defender in sight.

 

Women’s Division


Sorry ladies, I didn’t catch any of your games this week. One week soon—I pinky swear.

Studs & Duds


Now that I’ve had time to review the stats and sip my fizzy cactus juice, here’s who’s rocketing up and who’s falling faster than a raccoon on roller skates:

 

Studs


D1 – Alexandre Vallières: 6 sacks, 4 TDs, 305 yards across two games.


D2 – Alec Grégoire: 4 catches for 87 yards, 3 TDs, and a 1-point convert.


D3 – James Langshaw: Only threw *one* incomplete pass and had 4 TDs.


D4 – Arnaud St-Jean: 5 sacks.


D5 – Sage Holder: 3 catches for 43 yards, 1 TD, plus 2 picks and a defensive score.


Women’s – Diana-Janes Landry: 6 catches for 52 yards, 3 TDs, and a convert.

Duds


D1 – Jean-Félix Daloze: 2 games, zero offensive stats.


D2 – David Brisson: Those 3 second-half picks were, well... spaghetti-brained.


D3 – Gold: 4 picks, 3 to a kid who won’t stop chirping about it. Not only do you haunt me in the playoffs, now you’re giving me home-life migraines.


D4 – Jocelyn Ouellette: You broke the golden rule—don’t ask about Player of the Week. Now you’re my Dud. I *was* going to give it to you, but ya flubbed it.


D5 – Max: For rushing in D5. That’s a flagrant fuzzbucket.


Women’s – Barbara: Only 2 catches for 14 yards. Where’s the diva we all know and love?

 

There you have it—my Studs & Duds of the week. There’s still plenty of time to make the list, but one guaranteed way to end up on the *Duds* side? Asking the media team if you’re going to make the list, or shamelessly self-promoting like a clout-craving koala. Doesn’t matter what your stats are—I’ll still plop you into the Dud pile.

Rest of the content omitted for brevity! edition

Rest of the content omitted for brevity! edition

Kevin Kousaie

(ed’s note: I had ChatGPT edit this and at points it literally just said “rest of the content omitted for brevity”. ChatGPT really gets what we’re trying to do. I mean, I feel like we could do that for the entirety of Kevin’s articles)

 

Now for what you all have been waiting for… after weeks and weeks, here it is: my Week 1 article! (rest of the content omitted for brevity) (ed’s note: see!)

 

With winter finally behind us, we’re back to the game we all love. It’s a shame we couldn’t finish the winter season, thanks to the Stinger Dome going full flapdoodle and collapsing under all that snow. They really fluffed the snow management — like, how do you not keep the roof clear in a snowstorm? That’s the difference between when the MFL handles something and when it’s left to someone who isn’t, well, me. I told Terry and Jon exactly what I would’ve done to keep it clean and upright — but hey, sounds like a Concordia problem, not mine.

 

I’m thrilled football is back, even if my schedule’s looking bonkers — only 18 days off between now and the end of the fall season. But the good news is, when you’re waking up at 5:30am to do everything, that counts as sleeping in now.

 

Anyway, let’s get into it and see what went down around the MFL in Week 1!

 

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WEEK 1 RECAP

 

D1

 

I missed covering D1 games this week, so I’ll leave it to Terry and Willie to chat about them on the podcast — if they can squeeze it into Willie’s busy-busy schedule.

 

D2

 

Phoenix vs Ducks (35-12)

The Ducks moved up from D3 and met a Phoenix team with a few new faces. Kris is now QB, and with his experience, play-calling, and glitterbomb-level skillset (ed’s note: ChatGPT is killing it with these text replacements!), he’s completely transformed the team. The game-breaker? Phoenix’s defense: 2 interceptions (including one at the goal line on the opening drive) and 3 sacks — one of them for a safety. Ducks are still adjusting to the D2 pace; give them a season or two to fully gel.

 

D3

 

Trench Babies vs F.A.T. Players (19-40)

Honestly, I thought it would go the other way after seeing Trench Babies warm up. Turns out I was wronger than a porcupine at a balloon party (ed’s note: ChatGPT made that up. Truly, AI is the new Kousaie. Or should I say, “KousAIe”…). They dropped at least 10 passes and biffed a few would-be picks on defense. Leon noticed this and started throwing double moves — and that’s when the game cracked wide open. Also, let’s talk about Anthony. When people think F.A.T. Players, they think Sean or Vince. But Anthony? He’s owning the middle like a sandwich at a picnic (ed’s note: Okay, I don’t get this one). Big target, crisp routes, Velcro hands — and deceptively speedy.

 

D4

 

Bandits vs F.A.T. Players (25-12)

Let me start by saying: Richard may *think* he’s good-looking, but his hands were having a full-on spaghetti-noodle day. He went 1-for-3. It was a sluggish, sticky-note kind of game to watch. F.A.T. Players had a new QB, Francois, who showed both potential and wibbly-wobblies. A few more weeks and he’ll be solid. As for the Bandits, Matt needs to avoid the brain-fizzles: go for 2 when you’re up 7, go for 1 when you’re up 8 — you know, football math. And spread the love: 12 catches for JP and only 8 combined for the rest of the team? That won’t fly every week.

 

D5

 

Phoenix vs Jungle Squad (44-14)

Things started off great for Jungle Squad — they won the toss, elected to defend, and Martin pick-snatched (ed’s note: love it) Nick’s second pass of the season for a TD. Then… it became The Nick Show. He threw 5 TDs, nabbed 2 picks, and ran one in himself. Phoenix added some new faces too, none more impactful than Brendan, who balled out with 2 TDs, two 2-point converts, and a pick on defense.

 

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STUDS & DUDS

 

It’s that magical moment where I shout out the superstars who absolutely tater-tornadoed (ed’s note: can we give ChatGPT a raise? Brilliant!) Week 1… and gently (okay, not gently) roast the ones who flopped harder than a pancake in a bouncy castle.

 

STUDS

 

D1

 

* Jeremi Riendeau-Demers: 9 catches, 100+ yards, 3 TDs, 1 two-point convert, 2 tackles, 3 picks, and a pick-six.

 

D2

 

* Justin White: 3 sacks and a pick-six… all while rushing. Shermika, you called it — give the man a medal.

 

D3

 

* Greg D’Alesio: 5 sacks. Quarterback’s worst nightmare.

 

D4

 

* Alec De Lafontaine-Jovani: 16/20 for 127 yards, 5 passing TDs, 1 rushing TD, and 4 tackles.

 

D5

 

* Idris Selmi: 3 catches for 63 yards — 2 TDs. Also had 6 tackles and 2 picks.

 

Women’s

 

* Angie Toporowski: First time at QB and led Crazy Bs to their first win! 13/28, 114 yards, 3 TDs, 0 picks.

 

DUDS

 

D1

 

* Guillaume Renaud-Dumoulin: Threw 5 picks. Welcome to D1, where the puppies are actually full-grown bulldozers (ed’s note: You’re on thin ice, ChatGPT!).

 

D2

 

* Alexandre Szalipszki: 10 carries, 19 yards, no defensive stats.

 

D3

 

* Trench Babies: All that sideline swagger and then played like they were chasing squirrels in flip-flops.

 

D4

 

* Jean-Francois Lawrence: 7 picks in 2 games. Shake it off, buddy.

 

D5

 

* Nick Kousaie: Pick-six on his second pass of the season. Lucky the cameras weren’t rolling.

 

Women’s

 

* Crazy Bs Rusher: No sacks against rookies? Ruh-roh.

 

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PREDICTIONS

 

Missed Week 1 predictions, so as Terry joked: guess I went 100%! Let’s say 99% just to be fair. Here are my totally unbiased picks for Week 2 (winners in bold):

 

D1

 

Iron Wolves vs Outlaws

Villains vs KOLB

Ranceurs vs Villains

Raccons vs KOLB

 

D2

 

Fins Up vs Nice TDs

Average Joes vs RawSauce

Rejects vs CIA

Phoenix vs Double Dippers NA

 

D3

 

Action Squad vs Thunder Buddies 

Tropic Thunder vs Hog Riders

Hog Riders vs Action Squad 

Witching Hour vs La Horde

Him U vs Iron Trollers

 

D4

 

F.A.T.Players vs Creeky Knees

Bouchers vs Beerhood

Bandits vs Underdogs

Mustard Tigers vs Nothing But D

 

D5

 

514 vs Phoenix NA

Big Booties vs Improbables

Dart Throwers and Smokers vs Mimosa Crew 

Orphans vs Pick 6s

Slicks vs Wolverines

Jungle Squad vs Big Assets

Wong Dynasty vs MTL Cessnas 

Jungle Squad vs Orphans

 

Women

 

Free Agent vs Drama Queens

 

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POWER RANKINGS

 

D1 (Top 3)

 

1. Outlaws

2. Iron Wolves

3. KOLB

 

D2 (Top 3)

 

1. Double Dippers

2. Phoenix

3. Average Joes

 

D3 (Top 4)

 

1. F.A.T. Players

2. Horde

3. LTC

4. Him U

 

D4 (Top 4)

 

1. Nothing But D

2. Action Squad

3. Bandits

4. Mustard Tigers

 

D5 (Top 5)

 

1. Titans

2. Phoenix

3. Dart Throwers and Smokers

4. Slicks

5. MTL Cessnas

 

Women’s (Top 1)

 

1. Crazy Bs

 

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FINAL THOUGHTS

 

That’s all for this week — time to let you get back to your regularly scheduled life. Who am I kidding? We’re all just counting down to Saturday like goblins waiting for second breakfast. Sure, most of us are older now, but nothing beats that electric feeling when game day hits.

 

Reminder: we’re at Darcy McGee this week, not De La Vérendrye.

 

It’s 4am, so I’m off to my real job. Can’t wait to see you all out there this weekend. Let’s make Week 2 even better.

 

Stay weird, stay wonderful — and don’t make me put your name in the Dud list next week, you goofnuggets.

Iron Wolves are the 2024 MFL D1 Fall Champions!

Iron Wolves are the 2024 MFL D1 Fall Champions!

MFL

An epic fight in D1 between the Iron Wolves and the Outlaws saw the Wolves take home the trophy with a 53-40 win and MVP Josh Levine scoring 5 TDs and getting an INT on defense.

 

Congratulations to our champions and thank you to everyone for an amazing fall season!

Predictions and Power Rankings Week 13

Predictions and Power Rankings Week 13

Kevin Kousaie

Predictions

It’s 4 a.m., and I had a few minutes on break, so I figured I’d tell you who’s winning it all this weekend. Last week, with only 11 games to pick from, I got 6 right, or 54%. I know that’s not amazing, but anywhere else in Canada, that’s a passing grade. Here are my picks for the finals, in bold as always.

 

· D1: Iron Wolves vs. Outlaws

· D2: Nice TDs vs. Respect

· D3: Ducks vs. CIA

· D4: Blue Badgers vs. Witching Hour

· D5: Jungle Squad vs. Slicks

· Women’s: Tigres vs. Steeleuses

 

There you have it, my picks for the Fall 2024 finals. Games start Saturday from 10:30 and should be over by 3 at the latest. With only three time slots, it’s a quick day, and you’ll get your football fix before the season ends—at least until January.

 

Final Thoughts

I’m not sure about the rest of you, but with my Saturdays free now, I’m not sure what I’ll do with myself. Oh wait, I know—I’ll be working, at least until Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, is it too soon to put up decorations? I prefer to wait until after U.S. Thanksgiving (the second-best day of the year, after the Super Bowl). It’s been a long 26 weeks, and I’m looking forward to some rest and relaxation. This weekend we have the finals, but on top of that, we’re having the league get-together on Sunday at Champs, as we have the past few years. I won’t be there since I’ll be in bed, but everyone else should go. You won’t see some of these folks for a few months. If you haven’t signed up to play this winter, you’d better do it soon before spots fill up. Even though this is the season’s last week and everyone playing is chasing a championship, please don’t forget that we’re all here to have fun, so go out, enjoy yourselves, and have a blast. See you Saturday!

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